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We have heard how love is not enough to sustain relationships. One has to constantly give it their all to make it effort. However, when the relationship falls apart, it is always heartbreaking. It is difficult to move on, especially one comes out of an unhealthy relationship. “I have witnessed how deeply damaging an unhealthy relationship can be to a person’s emotional well-being. It’s like being trapped in a storm of self-doubt, anxiety, and loneliness. You start questioning your own worth, feeling constantly on the edge, and cut off from the support and love you deserve,” says Monica Sharma, a counselor, relationship therapist with over a decade long experience.
Unhealthy relationships can impact one’s self esteem and make them prone to feeling lost, betrayed, and even physically unwell. “I always say to people who take my counsel that they’re not alone and that healing is possible. By recognizing these struggles and seeking support, you can begin to rebuild your sense of self and find healthier, more fulfilling connections,” suggests Monica.
A lot of people who are in an unhealthy relationship may prolong their misery and take time to come out of it. Monica says that if someone is in a relationship that’s making them feel trapped, unhappy, or even unsafe, it’s important to take steps to get out.”First, recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you feel your partner is too controlling or someone who criticises you too much, then one must reach out for support from someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist,” says Monica.
There are a lot of people who want to get out of a toxic relationship, but their partner always pulls them back by making false promises to them. For such people, the word of advice from Monica is to set clear boundaries with your partner and stay firm in your decision to leave, even if it’s tough. “Make a plan for your safety and gather any resources you might need, like important documents or financial support. And most importantly, take care of yourself through self-care practices and seeking professional help if needed. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and safe,” says Monica.
Why do people blame themselves for staying in an unhealthy relationship?
Monica says there’s a tendency in some people to internalise the negative behaviour or criticisms from their partner, leading them to believe they are at fault. This can be exacerbated by low self-esteem, which makes individuals more susceptible to believing they deserve mistreatment. Additionally, societal norms and cultural expectations may contribute to feelings of shame or embarrassment about their relationship struggles, further reinforcing the idea that they are to blame. “A lot of people also rationalise staying in the relationship by convincing themselves that they can fix the problems or that things will improve over time, leading them to overlook the unhealthy dynamics. Ultimately, the complex interplay of emotions, self-perception, and external influences can all contribute to the tendency to blame oneself for being in an unhealthy relationship,” says Monica.
How to move on from an unhealthy relationship?
Monica believes it’s essential to allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship and acknowledge your emotions. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide comfort and encouragement during this time.
“Engaging oneself in self-care activities that nurture one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being helps a lot. It gives them time to reflect on the lessons learned from the relationship and use them to grow and evolve as a person,” says Monica.
One must also set new goals and focus on personal development, as that can also help shift one’s focus away from the past and towards a brighter future. “Finally, be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. It’s okay to take things one day at a time and to seek professional support if needed,” says Monica.
Here are three to four recommendations by Monica to people who are guilt-tripping themselves over being in an unhealthy relationship.
1. Practice Self-Compassion
Encourage them to be gentle with themselves and practice self-compassion. Remind them that it’s natural to make mistakes and that their worth is not defined by the relationship they were in. Encourage positive self-talk and remind them of their strengths and resilience.
2. Seek Professional Help
Recommend seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and trauma. A trained professional can provide objective guidance, help process feelings of guilt, and assist in developing coping strategies to move forward.
3. Set Boundaries
Empower them to establish and maintain boundaries with their ex-partner and with themselves. Encourage them to limit contact with their ex if possible and to prioritize their own well-being. Remind them that it’s okay to say no to guilt-tripping behavior and to focus on their own healing journey.
4. Focus on Personal Growth
Encourage them to channel their energy into personal growth and self-improvement. Suggest engaging in activities that promote self-discovery, such as journaling, therapy, or pursuing hobbies and interests. Remind them that every experience, even difficult ones, can be an opportunity for growth and learning.
